Leader Friends

By Tracey Bianchi

I play favorites. Unabashedly, unashamedly, I hand pick women to love on deeply within the ministry areas I lead.

When I served as a High School Pastor I spread out my smiles and prayers to students as evenly as I could. I encouraged boys and girls alike and helped them know God loved them all deeply. But, I had favorites. A small group of girls into whom I poured more leadership capital. A strategy that makes me wince when I consider the fact in ministry we try to spread out the love of God to as many people as possible. How dare we pick a few to dote upon?!

To lead well and bring people where God is calling us to lead them, most of us choose a select few to be with tightly. We don't like the appearance of favoring a few, but we default into this stance. When we feel pressed by leadership responsibility, we think, "Now who do I pour into to get this done now and into the future?" It's how we get work done and leadership multiplied. It's why Jesus had a tight circle of three and an inner circle of twelve.

"My girls" were not the snappiest dressers, the most extroverted students or even the ones with the most leadership potential. They were the girls God etched on my heart and called me to mentor and befriend. And as they moved from High School Ministry on into college and now, into adulthood, these are still the gals I chase after and lead differently than others and they are now in ministry leadership themselves. The strategy worked.

Leadership cannot exist separately from friendship and mentorship. The three are inextricably linked and yet, in order to lead and mentor well, we can only befriend and mentor a small number of our teammates. If we spread ourselves too thin, we make lousy friends and leaders to many and powerful partners to very few.

So as you consider your teams, the groups and communities you lead, think through the "favorites" that God has pressed upon your heart. If you are called to lead some differently and more intimately than others, consider how you can do that well. What boundaries do you need to set with other teammates? How do you address what can be perceived as a lack of care for some and overt care for others? Can other mentors share your load so that all are cared for?

As a leader, the energy and time you have for friendships and mentorships is precious. Moses in Psalm 90:12 calls us to live within the boundaries of our limited time. As a leader, consider what it looks like to live wisely and well by investing your friendship and resources into the pockets of a few so that for the Kingdom, you can impact many.

Tracey Bianchi is the Worship Pastor at Christ Church in Oak Brook, Illinois and author of Green Mama and Mom Connection. You can purchase her recorded webinar on Leader Friends at www.fullfill.org.

An Old House

By Sarah Kovac

I live in an old house. Not Pinteresty-vintage old, but paint-chipped-slant-floored old. When we bought this place, I imagined the peeling baby blue trim would soon be replaced with a fresh coat of a classy grey. We plotted about how we’d remodel the partially-finished basement. We priced screen doors and light fixtures and deck construction, but there was never the time. There was never the money. There was never the energy. We settled in seven years ago and still haven’t painted most of the walls, which, thanks to my aversion to decorating, are largely barren. 

This is far from our dream house. But it has certainly housed our dreams. I have the sneaking suspicion that one day, I’ll drive down this street for old time’s sake and my heart will break a little as I remember being up all night with my son for the first time. I’ll remember him jumping down the stairs like Superman and Daddy flying him through the living room, Iron Man style. I’ll remember our races for the front door to watch every ambulance that would drive by, and I’ll remember praying with him for whoever the ambulance was on its way to help.  I’ll remember the day we brought home his little sister and the elation in his eyes when he’d perch on the arm rest beside me to touch her soft, black hair. I’ll remember the beautiful life we were given in this imperfect house on this imperfect street in this imperfect town. 

This house will never be on the cover of Better Homes and Gardens, but within it so much beauty has been lived. So many priceless memories and such a rich part of our lives has been experienced here… the ugly trim and barren walls will be something we will remember fondly.

Some days I feel like this house. Broken-down, in need of so much work. Work I should have done but haven’t. Sometimes I fear I’ll be unfit for any sort of real purpose until I tidy my life up. Could God really use such a fixer-upper as me?

God promised me life, and an abundant one, at that. I wonder… what if I don’t need a tidy life for his promises to be true? What if I never “arrive”? What if his promises are not to be earned, but only accepted?

His promises are for me. For you. As flawed as we may be, he wants to use us. He wants to give us purpose, hope, a future. All he asks from us is the key. To fill us up, he needs access to our junk drawers. The closets piled with stuff we’ve shoved away when company was coming. The journals and the photo albums and the memories we’d rather forget. We must be filled to be fulfilled. 

Dig out that key and be amazed at his creativity. Who needs Pinterest? You’ve got the Restorer of All Things knocking at your door.

Sarah Kovac is an inspirational speaker and author of the book, In Capable Arms: Living a Life Embraced by Grace. She lives with her husband and two children just outside of Kansas City, MO. Visit sarahkovac.com  for more.

Purge

By Karen Schelhaas

I forgot my bras on a weeklong trip to Scottsdale, which constitutes an emergency.  If you knew me, you’d know just how much of an emergency it was.

My husband offered to buy me a “gift”, a Hail Mary of an offer, something I refused when I realized it was a test.  I’d made a decision 8 months earlier to give up personal spending for a year after reading a book whose author found some real freedom, and so I got the “freeing” opportunity to wear my $5 sports bras as a teaching moment in the land of the naturally (or not so naturally) endowed.  Trust me when I say there’s nothing lovelier than a fitted t-shirt and a $5 sports bra when you’ve nursed 3 babies and you’re in the over-40 crowd.

I thought the year would offer some new perspective on contentment, but what really happened was far more thorough, a purge of deeply rooted issues.

On Day 1, I went in to my closet and reintroduced myself to my clothes and shoes and bags and promised to find new attitudes about them.  What didn’t fit me went to the homes of others, the first purge.

The change of seasons scripted the most trying moments; I’d trudge back in to my closet, attempting to muster new excitement for what greeted me there.  I’m an American girl with a decent supply and I have nothing to complain about on a global scale.  But too much stuff made me numb. Granted, I’m pretty sure I’m the only living female under 50 in my suburban radius without a pair of skinny jeans, but it matters less and less to me as time marches on.  I’m hoping that it won’t matter one bit at some point.

While the focus on the external was halted in its tracks, God turned on the internal spotlight in corners I wasn’t expecting.   I began to see that not only was I hinging my first (and perhaps best) impression on the cute clothes or shoes I wore, but also the body on which they hung.  I realized that there was a marked difference between staying strong and healthy and being critical of every curve of my body, hyperaware of how things drape and present to the outside world. 

Real freedom came gradually, and I began to get dressed quickly and without obsession, genuinely focused on the people and the tasks in front of me.  I found I cared less and less about what other people were wearing (or how their bodies looked) and more about the real offerings in their lives. I don’t greet women with the up-and-down “once over” anymore.   Freedom.

The initial buzz of a new shirt or a sparkly pair of shoes is indeed that – a buzz.  Like a good cocktail, it makes us feel warm and fuzzy and noticeable.  But in the end, it loses its thrill and needs refilling, which can get expensive for the soul as well as the pocketbook.

At the end of the year, everybody wondered what would happen, what I’d purchase when I got out of “buying prison.”  I bought what I needed, exactly two tank tops, a pair of black sandals, and a new shirt.  When you buy what you need for a body that needs to be clothed and not for a body that needs to be cheered to glory, some real freedom emerges.   I’m still surprised by the results of the no-buying year, how I don’t feel the same. Freedom is a buzz unto itself, and I feel lighter than I have in years.   

The unexpected highlight of the experiment came when I offered to buy my 12-year-old daughter a black shirt at a store, and she responded with “Mom, I already have a black shirt.  I don’t need another one.”    That’s right, babe.  You don’t.

Karen Booker Schelhaas lives in Highlands Ranch, CO with her husband and five children ranging from ages 7 to 15. When she's not teaching, cooking, jogging, cleaning, gardening, entertaining, chauffeuring or volunteering, she can be found at her kitchen table with coffee in her veins, slowly putting her stories into words.

Empathy’s Expression: Turning Pain into Progress

By Amanda DeWitt

My heart sank as I heard her news. Bed rest. For the second time in two months a friend was told she’d spend the remainder of her pregnancy lying in a hospital bed. No more nursery decorating. No more pre-baby dates. No more homemade meals.

I’ve never experienced pregnancy or bed rest, yet I felt her pain. For the first two years of marriage, I struggled with a debilitating autoimmune condition. I spent countless days lying on the sofa. We made numerous doctor visits. I fought plenty of fears. Through the struggles, I learned that empathy not only feels but also acts in ways that transform us and others.

Prayer: Empathy’s Ache

Our tears teach us to weep for others. Our aches remind us to bring the wounded into God’s presence. Through prayer we plead for comfort and point the hurting back to their ultimate hope.

When my friends were placed on bed rest, I remembered how my husband used to place his hand on my back every morning before he left for work and utter a silent appeal over my sickly, half-asleep frame. His persistence strengthened my faith and bolstered my hope.  

As my friends’ situation came to my mind each day, I’d ask God to protect and sustain. I couldn’t heal their bodies or quell their fears, but I could take their burdens to the One who heals and tell them I was praying daily.

Presence: Empathy’s Compassion

We can pray from a distance. But we dispense compassion up close. Empathy calls us to move from the peripheral to be present with another. We listen, weep, and laugh, allowing our presence to provide the comfort.

I still recall the assurance another’s presence afforded during my endless doctor visits. My mom’s company offered a much-needed distraction as we drove to another appointment. Her support also challenged me to fill the gaps for my friends.

Afternoons were the worst. After their morning doctor rituals ended, they’d watch the clock until their husbands arrived from work. Since I office from home, I could arrange my availability. I’d show up midafternoon, bring strawberry frozen yogurt, and listen from the pleather hospital chair.

Practicality: Empathy’s Service

Empathy presses us closer, challenging us to meet tangible needs. Flowers for a stark room. Baked chicken for growling stomachs. Tissues for a tearful goodbye. Our service sustains as a friend adjusts to new realities and acclimates to new surroundings. 

After two weeks in the hospital, one friend longed for home cooking. My husband and I have eaten many meals with this couple, so we decided to set up a dinner party in their hospital room. Somehow garlic chicken and sweet corn touched a place inside of us and created a strong shared memory.

My friends assure me that they will be there for me when I need their prayers, presence and practical help. So pain turns to progress — both for us and for others.

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Amanda DeWitt serves as the Assistant Editor for Dallas Family Magazine and works as a freelance writer, conference speaker, and contributor to Tapestry (www.blogs.bible.org/tapestry). She’s also worked as a copywriter for a global fundraising firm and as an associate on a megachurch staff. She holds a M.A. from Dallas Theological Seminary. 

Refuse To Do Nothing [We All Can Do Something]

by Kimberly Yim and Shayne Moore

What can you do?

How encouraging it is when women intentionally gather to equip themselves to fight modern day slavery! We must be intentional and diligent and we must have a plan. For without a plan and without resolve we soon relax into the multitude of daily distractions that pull our attention away. We find ourselves doing nothing. 

We were greatly encouraged women took time out of their busy lives to participate in the webinar with FullFill magazine this week. Our hope is our time together broke hearts over what breaks the heart of God and inspired a resolve to refuse to do nothing.

After we woke up to the evils of human trafficking, along with writing a book, we also both founded local organizations to gather our communities to fight slavery and raise awareness. Kimberly Yim co-founded the San Clemente Abolitionist group in Orange County. https://www.facebook.com/pages/San-Clemente-Abolitionists/112947148786173

Shayne Moore co-Founded the West Chicagoland Anti-Trafficking Coalition. https://www.facebook.com/WestChicagolandAntiTraffickingCoalition

Both organizations are a loose-knit group of friends, colleagues, and local community leaders. These groups exist to support the individual, both the individual coming out of situations of human trafficking and the individual desiring to get involved to fight slavery. We exist to support our community and to be a bridge of awareness and connection. Lastly, we exist to support non-profits on the front lines of the fight – raising awareness about organizations and connecting them to volunteers and donors.

We understand not everyone is going to write a book or start an organization but everyone can do something. Everything our groups have done have been by “ordinary” people.  Some events occur in churches, others in homes, and even at local businesses such as a wine and cheese shop. The first events we hosted were in our living rooms.

With each event our goal is to educate on a particular topic.  Some are on general human trafficking statistics, while others are targeting a specific issue such as child soldiers in Congo, Fair Trade, or a piece of legislation.  At each event we have a tangible take-away action.  It could be as simple as ‘sign a petition’, ‘buy a t-shirt’, or it could a bigger action such as ‘host an event in a home.’

Here are some things we have done and some of our favorite organizations to support. We hope it sparks your imagination on what you can do in your community and with your friends:   

·         Start with prayer. In a church or home pray for victims, for God to bind evil, for strong legislation, and for protection of those fighting and rescuing on the front lines.

·         Invisible Children – show this short film; learn about lives of child soldiers an efforts to bring them home to their families.  Purchase a t-shirt, become monthly sponsor.

·         Tread on Trafficking – LOVE 146 (love146.org).  Learn about problem of child sex trafficking, raise money through donations, sign up to participate in fitness team through running, swimming, cycling. 

·         Fair Trade Shopping – learn about what Fair Trade is, shop favorite fair trade brands – (Trade as One, iSanctuary, International Princess Project, Krochet Kids)

·         Bra drive – www.FreetheGirls.org.  Bring a bra or a box of bras; learn about good small business for trafficked survivors. 

·         Bake Sale – Valentines Day.  People donate baked goods individually wrapped and sell them for $2-$5 in front of schools or churches – give $ to favorite anti-trafficking organization.

These are just a few ideas.  Experiment.  See what works for you and your friends.  And remember to tell everyone at your event to put the National Human Trafficking Hotline Number in their phone!         888-3737-888