An Imperfect Influence

By Lisa Littlewood

I walk through the front doors into the hotel lobby and immediately notice polished, trendy, modern adornments— geometric patterns, smooth lines, squared furniture, swanky light fixtures.

I quickly feel very far from my messy and disorganized home.

I notice the women. Dozens of women. Many of them gathered in groups talking excitedly and comfortably about projects and networks, tweets and Facebook posts, handing out beautifully designed business cards with smart and quirky sayings and professionally taken photographs and scripture verses formatted in lyrical fonts.

A smiling girl hands me a cupcake. She has purchased spiced cupcakes to distribute as a way to say hello, a way to connect with other women.

I do not have cupcakes. My business cards are not as beautiful as I would like them to be.

All I have is a “hello”, my simple business cards, a suitcase full of (what feels like) all of the wrong things, and a smile that attempts to cover the fear of inadequacy that looms in my heart.

I was at a blogging conference for Christian women. I wanted to run to my hotel room and blog about why I should not be a blogger. About how I had deceived my readers (all two dozen of them!) into thinking I was something that I was not; I was surely not as organized, trendy, confident and pulled together as all of these wome. Those of course were the requirements for writing, for speaking, for ministering, for connecting with the hearts of others.

And then I read the words of Ann Voskamp, in a blog post highlighting her keynote speech from this very conference just one year prior, “You are brave. You didn’t know what this would be like. You didn’t know if you would belong here. Would your hair be okay, your clothes, your weight—your inside? Would anyone like you?”

Come to find out, as I mingled throughout the weekend and listened to other women, many of them sounded just as insecure and unsure as I did. They too had real fears and real questions about whether or not they were pursuing the right things, in the right way, at the right time.

And that, after all, is the point. That none of us have a ministry, a word of encouragement, a testimony or story to share without first having to work through our own struggles and feelings of inadequacy. In the process, we seek grace and wisdom, then, eventually, a filling up that cannot be found in earthly things.

Ann goes on to say, “I am a mess and I tell you my messy story—and it may be the story of the women who read your stories—real women looking for real lifelines…for that is all I have, all we have, really—the word of God making our lives into lines that we throw to each other.”

Sometimes we think that in order to have an influence on someone, we need to have it all together. God gently reminded me that it is often in our inadequacy that we learn to trust him and it is from this place we can reach the hearts of others with encouragement, hope and inspiration.

Lisa Littlewood is a freelance writer from Buffalo, N.Y. who has a heart for writing about how God uses imperfect people to accomplish his perfect will. Her articles have appeared in Buffalo Rising, Thrive Buffalo, Bay State Parent Magazine, Unite Magazine and The Buffalo News. She also blogs about faith, writing and life as a mom at www.littlewritermomma.com.

The Little Things

By Karen Schellhaas

It’s the little things.

Or so they say. But, I prefer the big things. Big trips, big revelations, big stages in front of big audiences. Big-punch moments that match my bright red lipstick.

But it’s the little things, even the mundane, repetitive things for which I wear a neutral, boring lipstick on a small stage, often with an audience of one or two, that seem to be what my children remember and cherish, and what my friends treasure most in our relationships. As much as I crave large-scale, somewhat flashy influence, God’s evidently got other ideas for me in this season of my life, ideas far superior to my own.

This has never been so clearly evidenced as in a blessing I received via email for my youngest child on his 6th birthday, a child we adopted from Ethiopia at age 2. The surprise blessing came from my Aunt Jo, a 61-year-old woman whom I adore but with whom I shared little more than genetics and warm embraces.

Here is Aunt Jo’s blessing, received in December 2011, an email that humbled and totally surprised us. I share it with you, in part, with her full permission:

“Dear Bode, I must remind you of something important... something to let you know how big you are and how big you have always been! You, your family and Nanna came to Kansas City two whole years ago. I watched you and Brock for a while. Both of you were all cuddled up in your PJs. I read you a story and THEN... you and Brock sang "Jesus Loves Me This I Know" to me! I so remember the look on your sweet faces. Your eyes just shone! You were so beautiful to me! You sang and sang! I almost cried for the sweetness of it... well, ok, I did cry! Why? I used to sing that song with your Nanna when we were little girls, in our family together, sisters. But somehow when I was growing up, I forgot that Jesus loved me. I was so sad and I did not know why! But your song, your joy, your message to me as you sang, began to crack my heart open like a hard old nut. And then I remembered - Jesus loved me, too! It took a while, but then I began to BELIEVE He loved me... once you boys sang that sweet message and shined that light into my heart, I knew that God was calling me again. He had never quit calling me; I just could not hear Him anymore. So He sang out to me through your song -- He had not forgotten me! I knew I'd lost my way and that He was helping me find Him again. I took His hand and I'm not letting go. He holds my hand and He loves me. I missed Him, Bode. You reminded me of how much I missed Him.”

It wasn’t necessarily the big things that God used to romance my Aunt Jo, to woo her back with His love. Among other little things, it was an itty-bitty nighttime ritual, one that we sometimes struggle to continue with our children on those nights when we’re exhausted and genuinely wondering if all the little things eventually add up.

Turns out, they do – in ways I could’ve never imagined. But isn’t that just like God – using the seemingly insignificant or the young or the improbable to do what only he can do. Our God mysteriously weaves little things in to his bigger story, like when he fed 5000 people with a little boy’s two fish and five loaves of bread. A simple, uncomplicated offering made noteworthy through his power. Not that we can always see the bigger story in the detailed, everyday trenches of life, but I ’m asking God for new eyes to see what he sees in the everyday – to trust that he’s got an eternal vision for the few fish and several loaves he’s handed each of us, even a little 6-year-old birthday boy.

Focus Pocus

By Mary Byers

Imagine this: a morning of solitude. No interruptions. Time to think, reassess, plan, ponder, pray and prepare.

Despite the busyness of life, I’ve set aside a morning each December for the past decade to look back-and ahead-and to prepare a one-page strategic plan. The practice has transformed my life. I’ve often wondered why. This year, I figured it out. It’s the power of the pause: a luxury we may crave but feel we can’t afford in the chaos of modern life.

My first plan emerged in the midst of at-home mothering. Since then, I’ve applied it both to my family life and my professional life as a professional speaker and author. The benefits for me are clarity and what I call “focus pocus--” the magic that happens when you know who you are, what’s important to you and what you stand for.

It baffles me that four hours of introspection and brainstorming carries me through an entire year. But it does. I suppose it’s because my planning session gives me the chance to reflect on who I am and who I want to be. More importantly, it gives me the chance to check in with myself, have a quiet conversation with God, and lift my eyes to the horizon to see what’s ahead. Here’s how you can adopt this powerful process-and you don’t even have to wait until December to do it!

Make an appointment with yourself. I block out a morning on my calendar well before I’m ready to sit down. I know from experience that if it isn’t on my calendar, it doesn’t get done.

Make it special. I stay in my pajamas for my planning session. (It feels deliciously rebellious and reminds me of Saturday mornings from my childhood when we watched cartoons and didn’t get dressed until after lunch.) I sit by the Christmas tree, light a candle, and play soothing music, but any environment conducive to thinking will work.

Prime the pump by reading. Sometimes I page through my journal. Other times I read a Bible passage or a meditation from a devotion book.

Write it down. I start with a question such as, “What is the one thing that would make the biggest difference for me over the next year if I were to do it?” After asking the question, I pick up my pen and start writing. I refuse to censor my thoughts. I capture every thought. Sometimes, I’m surprised by what shows up on the page. Often, I am not.

Decide. Once all my thoughts are on paper, I look for those that resonate the most with me. Of all the thoughts and ideas I’ve written, I select 3-5 to form the foundation of my plan.

Expand. Once I’ve identified my objectives for the year, I jot down action steps for each. A plan emerges. I type it up and post it on my wall above my computer.

Refer. Check your plan often throughout the year. It will help you make decisions, schedule your time, and learn to say no-one of the biggest benefits for me.

Be flexible. Each year I allow myself to identify one item to drop from the list. And that’s been part of the benefit of creating a plan to begin with. I identify things I think I want to do but as the year progresses, I often realize that I’ve written something on the plan because I think I should. When I realize I’m not truly passionate about the objective, I let it go. The intentionality with which I’ve considered the item makes it easier to release it and frees me to move on to other things.

This past December I celebrated ten years of one-page planning. I’ve moved from transitioning children from kindergarten to high school; from a small freelance writing business to a thriving career as an author; from spiritually hungry to spiritually hungry again (yes, you read that right); and from pre-occupied and overwhelmed to focused and content--all because I was willing to pick up a pen and practice the art of one-page planning.

Now it’s your turn.

Mary Byers is the managing editor of FullFill and author of How to Say No...And Live to Tell About It. She’s also a professional speaker. She lives in Illinois with her husband, two children, three fish, two salamanders and a bird.

Packed and Ready to Go

By Susan Nash

“Have you packed?”

This inevitable question raises my anxiety level each time I leave on a trip. My anxiety stems from last minute packing (which has improved) and the fact that my success rate in packing everything I need is not high. I’m always curious as to what I have forgotten-jewelry, make-up, exercise clothes, even lingerie-and surprised by other items I’ve included. The new regulations about liquids, carry-ons and checked bags have only heightened my awareness of what I’m carrying in my own bag.

I took my first flight when I was two weeks old; the thrill of traveling has never left me. I love new places, new people, new histories and new cultures. I love to explore and to learn. But I have had to get more intentional about what I’m taking and what I’m leaving behind.

I have found the same to be true in my life. Our lives are actually the most significant and adventurous journey we will ever take. Have we packed well? If we belong to Jesus and are headed home, we must get much more intentional about what we are taking and what we are leaving behind. We can only handle so much baggage.

Two things that have been packed in my bag almost my entire life are guilt and shame. The fact that I was a Christian leader and teacher with theological training did not automatically ensure the exclusion of these items from my bag. I carried them with me everywhere. Knowing the Greek and Hebrew words, passionately teaching the truth of the atonement and deeply believing in Jesus did not take away the anxiety of packing or the cost of checking the bag. I could not get what was in my head to stay in my heart. The weight became an enormous hindrance that cost me more than I had to give.

I found this to be true of many other Christian travelers. They thought they packed forgiveness and freedom, but inevitably discovered guilt and shame instead. The journey was made more taxing because of this unintentional glitch.

My “plane crashing” is what finally caused me to learn to pack intentionally. I experienced ministry burnout, which is really a spiritual malady that shuts down all systems. Under God’s patient care, I began to understand the reasons I continued to pack guilt and shame instead of forgiveness and freedom. As I learned let go of my pride and my accomplishments, I began to unpack guilt and shame - literally. I learned a cognitive commitment to the gospel was no good until the gospel became the conscious core of my very being. I had to give up packing the thoughts that had become an automatic grid through which to view and respond to life. My crash had begun a transformation.

So, what’s in your bag? Are you packed and ready for the journey?

Susan C. Nash, a writer, speaker and graduate of Reformed Theological Seminary, has served in church ministry since 1986 on staff in numerous positions and now as a church consultant.

Living Out Your Influence: At Home

By Elisabeth K. Corcoran

I’ve got forty-four months. Do you know how fast forty-four months will go? I can clearly remember what I was doing in my life forty-four months ago, so I know it will speed by.

What happens in forty-four months?, you ask.

In forty-four months my daughter will start college. My teaching and training days are winding down. Most of my parenting is behind me. And yet, I realized, there is still so much I want to teach her and my son (one year younger). I still have an influence over them, even though I see it daily shifting away from me to their friends and the culture and school (as is normal for their ages).

But while I’ve got them under my roof and while my opinion still counts for something – even if being lorded over a captive audience at times – I am choosing intentionality. I am choosing not to settle for the fact that they seem like good kids so I can just skate through the next few years.

I brainstormed a list of topics that I want my kids to know about before they head out into this big world on their own. Everything from how to clean a bathroom and iron a shirt to how to know your spiritual gifts and interview for a job. I’m also throwing in some weightier issues like how to apologize, how to know when you need to ask for help, how to know when you should break up and how to get through it if you do.

Our first randomly-chosen-out-of-a-cup topic for this coming month is “the importance of a church family” in your life. I’ve already begun shaping how I’m going to share this with them. I’ve already asked friends for feedback. I’ve already asked the Spirit to teach my kids through me.

They may resist. They may roll their eyes. They may even ask if they can be excused before I’m finished (I’ll say no). But I think I’m seeing that I’m doing this as much for me as I am for them. Yes, I want my children as equipped as possible for the harshness of life. And yes, I need to relearn some of these lessons. But I also need to remember that I have a voice, that my opinions and thoughts and experiences matter, not just in the world, but within the four walls of my own home. And I’ve got forty-four months to do it.

Elisabeth Corcoran is the author of At the Corner of Broken & Love: Where God Meets Us in the Everyday (Westbow), One Girl, Third World: One Woman’s Journey into Social Justice (Kindle, Amazon), He Is Just That Into You: Stories of a Faithful God who Pursues, Engages, and Has No Fear of Commitment (WinePress), In Search of Calm: Renewal for a Mother’s Heart (Xulon), and Calm in My Chaos: Encouragement for a Mom’s Weary Soul (Kregel). All these books can be purchased on Amazon.com in paperback or Kindle. She is a proud member of the Redbud Writers’ Guild. Visit her at www.elisabethcorcoran.com.