Three Splendid Truths of Leadership

By Sherry Surratt

Over the short and long haul of leadership I’ve discovered Three Splendid Truths of Leadership. Ready? Here you go!

1. You have to take responsibility for your own leadership growth. No one else is going to do it for you.

          The beauty of this truth is it reveals the true owner of your leadership: you. You control your trajectory. While your boss or company might control your job title and salary, you have complete say over how much you'll develop as a leader. Through your choices of what you read, who your mentors are and what skills you choose to work on, you determine your leadership potential. Here's how this works in my life: I pick another great leader to watch and learn from. I choose one thing at a time to focus on, such as their style of communication and I study it. I take notes. I ask them questions like: why did you say it that way? how did you know how to respond in that situation? I write down the learnings in a journal and I try to apply them in my leadership life.

2. You will never reach the leadership place where you've “arrived.” Get comfortable being a lifetime learner.

          Leaders make things better. But in order to have impact you have to get better yourself. Read, listen, learn. Be open to criticism and sort through it for wisdom and priceless lessons. Bank on the fact that new growth results in new opportunities. Here's how I've worked to become a lifetime learner: I LOVE to read so I pick leadership authors and then read everything they write. John Maxwell, Patrick Lencioni and Nancy Ortberg are some of my favorites. I take notes and make lists of the principles that jump out at me. I try to talk these over with a mentor and form a plan of how I can implement these principles in my life.

3. As leaders, we all struggle with something. A smart leader is willing to see her weaknesses and do something about them.

         This is something I'm still learning. I recently talked with a mentor friend about being disappointed that I was still struggling with areas in my leadership. She looked me right in the eye and said, “Because you think you are not human? Sherry, if you are a leader who's breathing, you are going to struggle with something. Stop whining and do something about it!” Ouch. But she was right. We'll never reach perfection as a leader. We will always have an area to grow in. A wise leader recognizes what the area is and then does whatever she can to get better. Here's how I try to apply this truth to my leadership: Just like most people I hate criticism, but I've learned not to just blow it off. Within every criticism is usually a nugget of truth and something I can learn to do better the next time. Criticism, if you take the time to process it, can help you slow down and take a hard look at yourself. I wish I could say I never get my feelings hurt or get defensive, but of course I do. But I also try to convince myself the criticizer is trying to help me get better (even if they aren't!)

I wish I had learned these splendid truths earlier in my leadership, but there's no time like the present. Let me encourage you. Wherever you are in your leadership, whatever level you are leading at, seize the opportunity to grow. Don't let your weaknesses breed insecurity and fear in your heart. Step into your leadership role with confidence knowing that God indeed calls women to lead and he will equip you for whatever leadership mountain you might face. Just ask.

Sherry Surratt is the President and CEO of MOPS International (www.mops.org). She blogs at “Of Moms and Leaders” (www.sherrysurratt.com) and the author of Author: Just Lead: A No Whining, No Complaining, No Nonsense Practical Guide for Women Leaders in the Church with Jenni Catron.

One on One

By Karen Schelhaas

 

I like big events, I really do.  Locking arms with thousands of people and singing “Hallelujah” in one voice stirs my spirit and usually produces tears.  I love concerts and events and mass-scale productions for a variety of reasons.  But to be honest, they don’t change my life.

 

What I’ve found is that change comes in small packages usually delivered by a single person.  I’ve been thinking a lot about one-on-one encounters as I navigate my way through this incredibly rich yet busy season of my life with five school-aged children.  It’s the just-me-and-you moments that have been the most impactful, the ones that make me turn left instead of right, the encounters that shift my perspective and encourage me to keep sailing ahead instead of bailing out.

 

That’s not to say that a great message whispered to us by God shouldn’t be shouted or penned to the masses.  We all glean life-changing, powerful truths from church, seminars, concerts and books. Jesus did spend time teaching the crowd.  But the real refining fire Jesus puts in my life is stoked by single interactions with women who are willing to find a sliver of time to talk and pray about the real stuff of life, refusing to let me get complacent.  And in this strange day of “e-whatever,” face time is distinctly lacking, yet ever necessary, as messages of change and hope and truth are often punctuated best with a hug or a tear or a playful nudge. 

 

This is shaping how I spend my days while the kids are at school, and it’s been deeply satisfying in a myriad of ways, surprisingly so.  It isn’t glamorous, on any level.  In fact, most hang-outs happen after I’ve thrown on my yoga pants, a little mascara and some bronzy lip gloss (because who really wants to meet with a Glamour Girl when you’re hurting or frustrated?). We plop down next to my sink of dirty dishes, or in the midst of laundry piles on a friend’s floor, or hiking out on these beautiful Colorado trails, or meandering on a late night walk with our dogs.  These are often the scenes in which seismic shifts occur in my life.

 

Engaging in the minutia matters, and we’re all uniquely qualified.  I don’t really need somebody to cast a great vision over my life – I need to be pointed to God in the details of my daily living.  The waters of vulnerability are most likely to churn in the quiet exchange between two people on an ordinary day – often yielding extraordinary results.

 

My mom always told me, “The gift of your presence is the best gift you can give.”  Oh, how I savor the various lives where I have been able to be present.  Many of my weekly interactions are about a single topic, like the death of a full-term baby.  It’s the familiar road that I’ve also walked, followed by the subsequent circuitous route to building my family.  One gal told me, “You know, all I needed the week after my baby died was for you to walk through the door of Starbucks.  To see that you were still living and breathing and even thriving was all I needed that day.” 

 

The gift of one-on-one presence is often silent be-ing, the difference between hope and despair for some.  And it matters, perhaps more than anything else.  You can’t be salt and light for people if you don’t take the time to know who needs seasoning and where the darkness exists.

 

Karen Booker Schelhaas lives in Highlands Ranch, CO with her husband and five children ranging from ages 7 to 15. When she's not cooking, jogging, cleaning, gardening, entertaining, chauffeuring, volunteering or counseling, she can be found at her kitchen table with coffee in her veins, slowly putting her stories into words.

Influence From All Directions

Kelli B. Trujillo

Over the past two years I’ve been working on writing a devotional series for women called Flourishing Faith. It’s been awesome to dive into some fantastic topics and open up God’s Word for my readers.

But . . .

There have been two long stretches that have been tough for me as a writer. Why? Because I’ve been writing about topics that challenge me personally. Really.

First in writing the marriage devotional. I’ve got a normal, healthy Christian marriage—but (emphasis on normal) marriage can be really hard! I’m no expert! How could I write a book on this topic if I’m still (and will always be) figuring it out?

And then, months later, it got worse: I worked on a book about prayer. I struggle with prayer.  I’m no expert! echoed again. Could—should—I really write about this?

Ever been there? As a ministry leader, mentor, speaker, Bible study facilitator, employee, business leader, friend, or mother—ever felt, privately, that you weren’t quite qualified to lead or influence others on a certain topic?

I was able to hush the questioning voices in my mind during the writing process by clinging determinedly to a principle that I know and have experienced to be true: Influence can come from all directions.

Sometimes we influence from the summit. We’ve reached a place of wisdom, expertise, maturity, or insight. Maybe it’s a topic we feel passionately about—we’ve studied it, lived it, know it inside and out, and we’re confident in sharing our insights with others. This is leadership from the front—like a hiker who’s reached the summit, is enjoying the awesome view, and is calling down instructions, guidance, and encouragement to those still navigating their way up.

Other times we influence as a fellow pilgrim. I believe—and Scriptural examples confirm this again and again—that we don’t need to be “qualified experts” in order to influence and encourage others. In fact, often times people are put off by seemingly superhuman “experts” and long for a real, authentic, struggling fellow human to learn with and from. Influencing others as a fellow pilgrim means sharing authentically from the middle of the journey—exploring with others how God is leading you, challenging you, changing you. It even means sharing questions you’re still wrestling with or victories you haven’t yet achieved.

And there are even times when we influence in our brokenness. When God uses our moments of desolation, conviction, weakness, and spiritual poverty to bless, challenge, or inspire another. Consider Jesus’ parable of the tax collector: Broken-hearted and humiliated before God, he beat his breast and could only utter a simple, agonizing prayer: “God, have mercy on me, a sinner” (Luke 18:13). This man—not the I’ve-got-it-all-together-Pharisee—served as Jesus’ example of authentic faith and humility. When we have the courage to let down the façade and vulnerably share our failures, God’s powerful grace can work in ways we don’t expect. God can powerfully influence others through our lives, even from the back.

So when the voices echo, You’re no expert!, just tell them to hush up. Just as you influence from your areas of expertise, never underestimate how God can use your “normal” journey and even from your failures to minister to others.

Kelli B. Trujillo is the author of several books for women, including the Flourishing Faith series and The Busy Mom’s Guide to Spiritual Survival. Find Kelli at www.kellitrujillo.com and on Twitter: @kbtrujillo

Tips for Leading Hard-to-Lead Women

By Nicole Unice

Sometimes, the hardest woman to lead is yourself.

When dealing with the dynamics of leading hard-to-lead women, start with five questions for yourself:

Do you understand invisible dynamics?

Invisible dynamics are the unspoken, sometimes unnoticed relationship rhythms that exist between two parties. Think about a woman you love to lead, and a woman that’s hard to lead. Most likely, they both bring strengths and weaknesses to the table, and ways of interacting that make her easy or difficult to deal with. Now, think about yourself. How would you apply this same matrix to yourself. By owning our own issues, we naturally become better leaders.

Can you get to the heart of the matter?

Discerning the real problem is a key strength in a great leader. So often when we deal with conflicts in leadership, the “problem” being presented to us is just the tip of the iceberg. Successful leaders try to see the whole iceberg. To determine what is making someone difficult to lead, a leader must use self-restraint and patience to root out the real problem. Continue to ask questions until the real problem is uncovered, and then restating the problem until both parties agree can be a helpful first step.

There are also specific ways we can deal with some major personality types:

Leading the dominator:

Dominators tend to be confident and direct and will do best with confident and direct responses. Remember that they tend to roll people over with their personalities and often don’t know that they are being hurtful. These women are usually more interested in getting to the point and less interested in high “relational” time.

Leading the manipulator (or passive-aggressive):

On a great day, this woman is a ‘charmer’; on a bad day, she’s a ‘manipulator’. She is quick on her feet and smooth with her words. Getting to the heart of the matter is always important with a manipulator because they will not lead with the real problem. A manipulator will be more likely to talk behind your back then to your face. It is important to nip this in the bud. For example, you will want to encourage others to send the person directly to you with concerns, and remember to model this behavior yourself.

Leading the silence-ator (or deeply insecure):

This woman is most likely to drift off without you knowing there was ever a problem. Rather than being direct or manipulative, this woman will begin to ignore and/or shrink away from the group. It takes particular care (especially if YOU are a dominator/manipulator) to reach this woman. One-to-one interactions will probably help, as well as assuming the best in her. Establishing trust is crucial for direct conversation, as well as understanding that your sincere efforts may not be enough--and that you can release her back to the Lord, who knows her, loves her and understands the work He is doing in her.

A well-remembered phrase from my graduate training in counseling is “Counselor, Heal Thyself!” The same applies here. When we turn the mirror on ourselves, focusing first on our own issues before applying our knowledge to others, we allow God to shape us into the women he’s creating us to be! And that’s a beautiful way to lead.

Nicole Unice is a Ministry Leader at Hope Church in Richmond, VA. She’s the author of She’s Got Issues and a speaker. You can connect with Nicole at www.nicoleunice.com. Or check out her resource: “20 Transactional Flaws” list to learn more about you – as a leader!

How are you using your power?

By Kimberly Yim

I am an abolitionist.

Three years ago I would have never said this. I, like my 8 year-old daughter, thought slavery was abolished hundreds of years ago. I knew injustices occurred and that there was still a problem of inequality and racism woven into our nation's fabric, but I had no idea that millions - a well accepted estimate of over 27 million - are currently enslaved in our world today.

Three years ago my son was just starting kindergarten and my daughter was in third grade. I was entrenched in suburban motherhood - grocery shopping, playdates, workouts at the gym, and coffee with friends. A certain undertone of restlessness within my soul finally rose up and refused to be ignored and suddenly no gym class, book club, girls weekend or family game night could remedy the heartbreak my soul was experiencing over the realities of modern-day slavery. It changed everything.    

I devoured every book I found and signed up to receive email updates from nonprofits on the front lines of rescue and rehabilitation. While my anger boiled over the horrors of injustice, hope also began to whisper as history pointed to the action of women hundreds of years ago who changed the cultural norm. With limited education and little influence outside the walls of their homes, these women patiently, fervently and creatively began to push back, calling for the end of slavery.

I also found like-minded friends who could share my heartbreak. I connected with a small group of local women, as well as with my old college friend, Shayne Moore, who would eventually become the coauthor of a book about finding your power to create change, in this case for modern-day slavery. Having trusted friends gave my wobbling feet security as we stepped out together, using our own voices to make a difference.

My influence started slowly - one conversation at a time, one invitation at a time. While I was unsure of the difference each step was making, momentum began to build and I saw firsthand the power of collective action.  

Like the women of the first abolitionist movement, we too have the power to create change, even for issues as looming as modern-day slavery. Here are some actions you can take to influence your world for change:

           Be aware. We need to understand and educate ourselves about the realities of injustice in our world.

           

            Pray. Everyone who works directly on behalf of the most vulnerable in our world acknowledges that divine intervention is necessary to shed light in the   darkest places of society.

           

          Speak. We may not all speak publically, but we can share what we know with others in our sphere of influence, including neighbors, employees, kids, teachers, pastors and spouses.

           

            Act. Action for change comes in many forms but could include raising funds, advocating with political leaders, speaking at your city council meeting, volunteering your time or sharing information at your church or place of business.

As a woman living in the United States today, we have more power and influence than any women who have gone before us. The problem often lies in that we don't always use the power God has so freely given us. Using that power starts with you and me, then in finding others, then taking action one step at a time.

The question is: how are you using the power God has given you?

Kimberly McOwen Yim is the founder of Abolitionist Mamas in San Clemente, California, and the coauthor of Refuse to Do Nothing: Finding Your Power to Abolish Modern-Day Slaverywith Shayne Moore. She writes and speaks on issues related to human trafficking worldwide.

Recognizing the Signs of Burnout

by Angie Mabry-Nauta

“Look around the room, and get a good glance at your classmates.”

Two short months stood between our group of thirty-seven and the future for which we had been preparing while in seminary. Yes, we had much to accomplish before our official duties began. No matter. We were bright lights and even the most tightly woven bushel would have been challenged to dim us.

We obeyed our pastoral care professor and looked around the room.

“Most of the faces that you see here today will not be in ministry within seven years,” he continued. “The statistics for burnout are well documented, and the causes for it plentiful and unique to each person. Care well for yourselves. It is more likely to happen to you than not.”

Our lights faded.

Ministry is both a rewarding and demanding vocation. It crosses over into every aspect of our lives and encompasses all of who we are, whether we’re a religious professional or a church volunteer. Each person has her own unique gifts.  Regardless of who or where we serve, all who answer God’s call give . . . and give . . . and give. It’s the Christian way, after all. And usually we are all too happy to sacrifice ourselves for others.

Usually.

Six years into congregational ministry, I had an epiphany. What I believed would happen to my classmates—not me—occurred. I burned out. My top three telltale signs were:

1. That which used to inspire me drained much of my energy. Preaching, and creating and leading worship services were the lifeblood of my ministry. Each filled me with great joy. . . until producing sermons and worship services came to feel like pulling my own teeth.
2. I came to loath the parts of ministry that challenged me. Leadership development, administration and mediating conflict were my constant “growth opportunities.” At one time I willingly offered myself to refinement in these areas but burnout kidnapped my pliable spirit.

3. I lost my compassion and patience with people. The core of my ministry was sharing God’s heart. I mulled my words to accurately and passionately communicate God’s unending love. I had a large capacity to forgive when people hurt me, even love them more through the difficult times. Not so with burnout—grace became hard.

Does any of this strike a chord with you? If you’re feeling “not like yourself” in your service to God and others, take notice. You may be burning out. Take action now and care well for yourself.

Spend quality time with God in silence, prayer and journaling. Engage a spiritual director or work with a counselor. You may even need to negotiate a sabbatical or temporary leave. These steps may just be the best gifts you give not only to yourself, but to your ministry and the people you serve.

Rev. Angie Mabry-Nauta is a writer and an ordained Minister of Word and Sacrament in the Reformed Church in America (RCA).  A member of the Redbud Writer’s Guild, Angie blogs at “Woman, in Progress…” Follow her on Facebook and Twitter @Godstuffwriter.