It's Not About the Leader

By Mary Byers

FRUSTRATION. It’s a normal part of a leader’s life. After all, we’re working with imperfect humans. Some are responsible, others forgetful. Some are stubborn dictators and others are people pleasers. And some are highly capable and others, well, let’s just say they’re still learning.

Recently, I was consumed by a leadership role when I was stymied by a challenge with a volunteer. She and I weren’t able to see eye to eye on something. Every time I contemplated the difference in opinion, I thought to myself, “I can’t deal with this!”

As my frustration grew, I realized that how I was thinking about the situation was part of the problem. Thinking, “I can’t handle this,” was disempowering. I wondered what would happen if, instead, I began to think, “I am capable of handling this situation.” Thinking such a positive thought didn’t come easily. I had to actively work at it. But it’s amazing what happened when I began to believe that I could, in fact, handle the challenge before me.

Instead of being overwhelmed, I felt empowered. Instead of feeling frustrated, I began to proactively seek solutions. And instead of focusing on what I considered to be a negative aspect of this volunteer’s personality, I began to see things from her point of view and acknowledge that she had a right to her opinion—even though it was different from mine.

Though small, the shift in my thinking (from “I can’t” to “I can”) made a big difference. It’s enabled me to see possibility where I didn’t think any existed. And it’s made me realize how much more comfortable I am when I am in control or things go my way. This incident has caused me to pause and rethink the value of truly collaborative efforts. I’m still not totally comfortable with the direction we’re taking. But I realize that leadership isn’t about the leader; it’s about the process of coming together to do work that’s bigger than each person individually. And my job, instead of allowing frustration to overwhelm me, is to ask, “How can we move forward in spite of the frustration?” As it turns out, I’m finding this simple question has application not only in my role as a leader, but also in my personal and professional life as well.

Mary Byers is a professional speaker and author of Making Work at Home Work: Successfully Growing a Business and a Family Under One Roof.

Re-blooming

By Carla Foote

This year more of my roses and perennials are getting a second bloom in the late summer.

I was watering around the patio this week and noticed both the miniature roses and the old-fashioned climbing rose were putting out new flowers. This is not completely unheard of but it hasn’t happened with these particular plants for several years in my garden. The conditions for re-blooming must be just right this summer.

I have been pondering the concept of second bloom since I saw my rosebuds near the patio. At 52 years old, I am most certainly (or almost certainly) in the second half of my physical life. In a reproductive, or “flowering” sense, my season of bloom is past. And yet in terms of the layers of skills, character and soul, my persona, I hope and expect to have many more productive years of contributing and flowering in a variety of ways. I hope to continue to growing intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. Some of my friends who are a few years ahead of me into this season have reflected that their most productive contributions have been in the re-blooming phase, after the demands of family have lessened.

What conditions must be present for re-blooming to take place? Enough water, sun and fertilizer are part of the equation, but deadheading - cutting off the old, spent blossoms during the flowering season - is key to continued blooms. Dead flowers signal the plant that it is time to set seeds and move into the next season of the lifecycle of the plant. Cutting back the flowers before they set seeds tells the plant to keep producing blossoms.

Looking at my roses and their new blossoms made me wonder about areas I need to deadhead in my own life. What habits, activities and attitudes need to be trimmed and put in the compost so I can see new growth and new flowers? Are there places where I am stuck, where old ideas and attitudes need to be cut away in order for the new to grow? This self-reflection process is a continual one in life, but certain seasons and transitions are more prone to the need to identify places to trim.

As I reflect, I am curious about the nature of my future blossoms ... something to ponder as the seasons change. The past few mornings and evenings, the air has been cooler and fall is just around the corner. The seasons change, and there are changes in the nature of productivity in our lives. I have had a distinct sense this summer of a boldness in my spirit, a desire to not be fearful of the next season, but to embrace and explore. Which areas will re-bloom and which will become dormant? I watch expectantly even as I trim and tend.

Small Things. Great Love.

By Trina Pockett

Harriett Tubman, Mother Teresa. Rosa Parks. Amy Carmichael. Sara Groves. The ONE Moms. Andrea Jenkins. What do these women have in common? They are all influential.

These women have incredible stories of leading in a time of adversity. Harriett Tubman literally led people to freedom. Rosa Parks stayed seated to fight injustice. Mother Teresa served the poor. Amy Carmichael saved women from a life of forced prostitution. Sara Groves has taken up the fight against human trafficking. The ONE MOMs are using their voices to fight poverty. And Andrea Jenkins shared her personal story with me.

I don’t think that any of these influential women were trying to make history; they just took the opportunities placed before them to make a difference in this world.

I think Mother Teresa said it best with “We can do no great things. Only small things with great love.”

You’ve probably never heard of Andrea Jenkins, but she is an influential woman, in a very private kind of way.

Actually she was virtually a stranger to me until the day I received a phone call from her. I was 22 years old, pregnant with our second child, and recently diagnosed with cancer. I was terrified. Andrea was a mom in the MOPS group I attended. Unbeknownst to me, Andrea had battled cancer and was in remission. She hadn’t told anyone what she had gone through, but after hearing about my diagnosis, she decided to share her story with me.

Andrea called me and shared candidly about her experience through cancer. She told me how the chemotherapy might affect my body, my emotions, and my spirit. I had tons of questions and she took the time to answer each one. I hung up the phone with a sigh of relief.

That phone call meant the world to me. It gave me hope that I was not alone. She had walked this road. She had already fought this battle.

Small things with great love.

Andrea saw a need and decided to take action. In my book, it makes her brave and heroic just like Harriett Tubman and Amy Carmichael. Andrea taught me the importance showing selfless love, even when there is a personal cost involved.

The truth is that every woman has something to share to influence others. It might be influencing through advocacy or activism, leading in a time of adversity, or by sharing our personal stories to encourage and uplift.

We must ask, where has God placed us? How can we use our influence to make a difference in this world?

This world needs more women who aren’t afraid to share their voices; Women who will stand up against injustice, love freely, share Christ, show courage, use their platform to make a difference, and who will selflessly share their stories.

My cancer has been in remission for years, but what remains is the memory of that profound conversation with Andrea. The difference she made with one simple phone call.

Small things with great love.

Trina Pockett is a speaker and writer committed to equipping and encouraging women in leadership. Trina currently serves as a Divisional Field Director for Stonecroft Ministries. You can visit her website at www.trinapockett.com. You can also learn more about Stonecroft at www.stonecroft.org

Lessons From the Wash and Wag

By Christy Foldenauer

I’ll never forget pulling into a small, one stoplight town for a ministry engagement. I coasted up to the church address, bewildered. The sign on the building read “Wash & Wag.”

Pictures of adorable, groomed canines peeked through the glass at me. Must have the wrong address I thought. Then, I saw it. Right in front of me, in plain daylight—my striking ministry glossy. It was tacked to an A-frame built from two pieces of wood, with the words: This Sunday, Christy Foldenhaur! As I felt my cheeks flush, I whispered thanks that the church misspelled my name. Then I came to the startling conclusion, “This church meets…in a Wash & Wag.” Slinking back down into the driver’s seat of my car, I shook my head, unsure of whether to laugh or cry.

I argued with God. I pleaded for humility and grace in the moment. Finally, I conceded that if he wanted to use me in a Wash & Wag, I would bring my best. I went to meet my host and settled into her basement for the night.

The next morning, I preached on limiting labels. The smell of wet dog permeated the air. Yet, in a very untraditional space, something remarkable happened. People arrived with open and responsive hearts, and God did a work among them. He also began a fresh work in me.

It’s been almost two years since my Wash & Wag experience. Several days ago I stumbled on a book by Henri Nouwen that put words to the heart work that began for me that weekend. In The Selfless Way of Christ: Downward Mobility and the Spiritual Life, Nouwen describes the humility of Christ and asserts, “The divine way is indeed the downward way.”

As Nouwen speaks of the downward pull of the Christian life and the call to humbly serve others, he speaks directly to my own heart. Just like the business world, ministry can quickly become a climb to better and better speaking engagements, places of ministry, and crowds. But following Jesus means being willing to meet at the Wash & Wag where ministry happens for sixty, not six hundred. Humble situation, humble place, humble hearts. . . sounds like Jesus would be right at home. The question is, can I follow his example and become downwardly mobile in my own ministry and life? Can I be as excited about a pulpit the size of a postage stamp as I am about a larger platform?

At the Wash & Wag, I realized that ministry should not be an upward climb. I must embrace downward mobility if I am emulating Jesus. Turns out my ministry glossy never looked better. I took a picture of it all just so I’d never forget the lesson.

Maybe, I’ll get the opportunity to go back there and minister again. I’ve learned this: it would be a great privilege.

Christy Foldenauer is a speaker whose passion is helping others find spiritual wholeness through Christ and influencing women to walk fully in their giftedness. She is pursuing a M.A. in Theological Studies at Baptist Theological Seminary in Richmond, VA, while raising three young children with the love of her life. Read her blog and follow her ministry here.

Use Your Voice

By Elisa Morgan

You might be thinking....enough about Kenya and HIV/AIDS and TB and Malaria and poverty in the slums of Kibera. Let's get back to the leadership/inspirational/get-me-going content I've come to expect in my Weekly ReFill. I mean, after all, it is MYWeekly ReFill.

Or you might be just developing a hunger to hear more and you're disappointed that I'm already back.

Maybe you missed last week's blog and didn't really know I was in Kenya with ONE.

It could be that you just got annoyed at all the Weekly ReFills in your inbox and you deleted them all without reading them.

Smile. This is the final blog in the series.

Last Friday ONEMoms spent the day with farmers in Nakuru. They've formed a kind of a cooperative where they exchange expertise, pool and save their money and improve their crops to improve and address the issue of malnutrition. Such efforts are vital not only for survival of the families of Kenya, but also to prepare for the inevitable cycle of drought and famine such as Somalia is currently facing.

We toured their farms (shambas), enjoyed a sampling of their many varieties of Irish potatoes and learned how they get their produce to individual sellers such as those on the streets of Kisumu.

Their work ethic is stunning. Their joy and empowerment at their success is contagious. Their eagerness to grow and learn and do more motivates me to do more too.

One woman, in her eighties, pierced me through to the soul with the strength of her eyes. I prayed to bring it home with me as my chief souvenir.

There are more still in my suitcase as I write (I haven't unpacked): Hope for change in Kenya and all of sub-saharan Africa. Respect for the hard-working souls that do their work day after day. Love for moms who are doing their best to care for and train their children for a future. Prayer for God to nudge me as to what more he might want me to do.

As I've asked all along in this series, will you join me? I want to ask you to do three things. They are simple. Please?

• If you haven't read the Kenya Weekly ReFillSeries, please go tohttp://fullfillmagazine.blogspot.com/ and read it? Complete the simple Daily Action Points at the end of each blog?
• Watch the ABC Nightly News for a story about our trip and tell others to watch? (Currently scheduled to air on August 8, 2011)
• Join ONEMoms at http://www.one.org/us/actnow/moms/

Kenya is a deeply spiritual place. The people there know God and love him. My heart yearns for more Christians to become involved in the non-partisan advocacy work of ONE as it partners with those working on the ground such as The Center for Disease Control, USAID, Feed the Hungry and more. They don't want your money. They want your voice. Yet another reason why ONE is such a good fit with FullFill™.

If I know anything, I know women want to use their voices!

Will you use yours? http://www.one.org/us/actnow/moms/

You Can Change the World: Day 5

"A Hug Can Heal"

By Elisa Morgan

I had to watch each step - very carefully. The stench was indescribable. I ducked under clotheslines and around dogs everywhere. Children called out around me, "Hello!" "How are you?!" They reached out and touched me. I smiled and called back, "Hello!" while jumping over muck of who knows what. All around me: rows and rows and rows of rooftops and alleys and chickens and women cooking and men loitering and tables of piled vegetables and dried smelly fish.

Kibera. The largest slum in Africa. Home to around one million people. Poverty like you can't imagine. Filth you wouldn't believe. HIV/AIDS and malaria and TB and you name it. Here 1 in 3 babies die before their first year and one in 6 moms. Malaria is rampant.

The ONEMoms arrived at Binti Pamajo (Daughters United) just one of the projects sponsored by Carolina for Kibera (www.carolinaforkibera.org) in partnership with ONE and other efforts. Its founder, Rye Barcott, welcomed us with his staff. (You can read Rye's story and learn all about Kibera: It Happened on the Way to War. Amazing!) This program for girls ages 11-18 provides a safe place for adolescent girls to explore the issues that are prevalent in their daily lives, including violence against women, sexual abuse, prostitution, HIV/AIDS, etc.

After Rye's greeting we were oriented, divided in teams and began a trek deeper into Kibera - about a fifteen minute walk for us - to the home of one of the young women alumni named Betty. That's where the careful footing, stench and stunning reality set in.

As I picked my path through sewage on the way back, I felt a deep appreciation for this young single mom of three who began each day at 4am to walk to get water - two trips of about 30 minutes each caring two 20 liter jugs. The water bit slayed me. The only water availableat all was that far away. It was anything but clean. But Betty was happily progressing with her life, grateful for the teaching she'd received that improved her life.

Hopeful - but oh so hard! And what a contrast to the day before when I'd walked through a glorious restored mansion and its lush grounds called Amani Ya Juu (Peace From Up Above), a sewing and reconciliation project for refugee women. We were gently guided through rooms of handsewn artwork - toy giraffes, beaded bracelets, quilts, purses - and then as we were welcomed by the working women in a large craft room of fabric and cutting tables we were individually embraced with hugs I will never forget. Dorcas from Uganda, "You are very welcome here." Petronella from Nairobi, "You are loved." Esther from the Congo, "Peace to you." Over and over. Clearly these tortured souls had been redeemed and restored. It was as if Jesus himself repeatedly hugged me. Tears sprang up as I hugged back and took in the utterly gorgeous beauty around me. Fabulous.

But what a contrast to Kibera.

The way out of Kibera replicated the way in. Picking my path through sewage. Smells and unbearable odors. "Hellos!" and "How are yous?" Happy as I was for Betty and her girls, I felt such pain for Kibera.

Just then, crossing a plank "bridge," a tiny girl about 4 or 5 years old ran from the side of the path and grabbed me, wrapping her arms around my legs in a hug. I stopped, received her small embrace with a large smile and patted her back. She was off as quickly as she'd come and I continued my trek.

In a hut in Kisumu where home testing for HIV/AIDS was performed, in a hospital in Siaya where moms and children were given malaria vaccinations, in Lwak Nutritional Center working to reduce the number of mother and child deaths, at Amani Ya Juu, and then today, in Kibera, likely the hardest place I've ever seen on this earth, I'm learning that healing comes in many forms. Sometimes in a vaccination. Sometimes in a classroom. Sometimes in clean water or better nutrition or a safe place to talk and live and learn.

And sometimes in a hug.

I thought about the peace and joy I'd witnessed amidst the undeniable horror. I've seen so much here in Kenya with ONEMoms http://www.one.org/us/actnow/moms/Two days immersed in the health issues of this country and continent. A day in their education system and beginning to learn about their economic improvement efforts. Another day seeing the social systems being put in place to help places like Kibera.

Please join ONE: http://www.one.org/us/actnow/moms/

Day 5 Daily Action: Today the bloggers are meeting with a group of women farmers near Lake Naivasha, Kenya. As you're probably aware, the Horn of Africa is currently enduring a horrible famine. Educate yourself about what's happening on the ground, and learn more about how you can contribute by visiting our friends at InterAction: http://www.interaction.org/crisis-list/interaction-members-respond-drought-crisis-horn-africa

You Can Change the World: Day 4

By Elisa Morgan

Got hope?

I remember receiving the scratch on my hip sometime around third grade (can’t remember exactly.) My mother wouldn’t allow the test to be done on my arm as it might cause a scar and she wanted my precious skin that would be visible to others to be pure and unmarked. (What would she have done in today’s era of tattoos and piercings? OH MY!) I was mortified. The BIG deal was comparing TB test scars with classmates as to how big, where and how puffy or not. I couldn’t show mine and I resented my mother’s decision.

Today in the United States such tests are a thing of the past as the disease has basically been eliminated. But not elsewhere.

Around the world, nearly 2 million people die of Tuberculosis every year. That’s 200 an hour. TB is the most common cause of death for people with HIV and is among the leading causes of death in women and children and Kenya is one of the countries hardest hit.

Our ONEMom trip today took us to the Nyanza province where there is more TB than anywhere else in the country. We visited patients who were part of a program providing a 6 month regiment of daily treatment provided by an in-home visiting TB coordinator.

My visit specifically took me to see Baby Hope who had been so sick that one of the community had told her mother, Loviance to take the baby home to her village to die. Loviance was sick as well and lived in a slum community. Assigned to a TB coordinator, Baby Hope was diagnosed with TB, as was Loviance, and the coordinator arranged to provide the daily treatment. When we entered their hut, mother and child presented as a beautiful, healthy, glowing family. We listened to her story and marveled at the change and the journey of such discipline that had taken them away from Loviance’s work but had brought about healing.

Unconsciously, I fingered the necklace on my neck, I’d chosen carefully to wear on the trip. My daughter had made it for me after the death of her new baby – a heart and the simple word HOPE. On the plane to Kenya I sensed God prompting me to be ready to give it away once there. Really? But I sensed a peace that it would continue its hope-giving journey there and I’d asked him to show me who. That thought had left my mind when a ONE worker with me suddenly remarked, “Doesn’t your necklace say HOPE?” It wasn’t until that moment that I made the connection. I laughed and realized the necklace was for Baby Hope and I pulled it off my neck and presented it to Loviance.

Hmmm. I’m grateful for the ONE worker – a faithful partner with so many efforts to relieve the suffering of preventable disease. I’m full of HOPE knowing that Hope and Loviance are alive and well. And I don’t give a rip about the TB scar on my hip.

Daily Action: Today the bloggers are meeting with women entrepreneurs in Karen, Kenya who are leading in building their communities' economies and providing opportunities to others. Check out ONE's report "Africa's Future is Female" to learn more about how women are leading a revolution on the continent: http://one.org/c/international/hottopic/3806/?rc=onemompartner. Then, using hashtag #ONEMoms tell us (@ONECampaign) one thing that surprised you. Or leave a comment on our Facebook page (http://facebook.com/ONE)