By Shayne Moore
There is a slogan in AA (Alcoholics Anonymous): “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.” How often do I find myself at point A with the goal of getting to point B but feel paralyzed?
One summer I went hiking. At the time my youngest child was an infant and my family was on vacation in Colorado. Road tripping across the country with three small children had been full of laughter, chaos, and, well. . .work. In fact, the whole thing was beginning to feel like anything but a vacation.
One afternoon I got away. I took the chair lift to the top of the mountainside and followed the rocky path, trekking on foot to the bottom. I am from the Midwest. The Colorado vistas, the clean air, the wild flowers perfectly placed were all pure joy to this suburban girl. With each step the inner room in my soul settled down and expanded. Internal things seemed to be tidying up – certain issues placed on their proper shelf, others slid back out of sight until they could be attended to, some items which had been pushed behind clutter climbed back on the top of the pile. . .
Halfway down the mountain something unexpected surfaced in my inner room. It was a thought that suddenly demanded my full attention. I tried to ignore it. I took several more steps and deep breaths to push it back where it belonged. Buried.
Was it a stubborn thought or a divine command? Whatever it was, it was determined and I heard audibly, “Write.”
Involuntary tears came to my eyes making the path blurry. I was irritated at this directive interrupting my peaceful walk. This was my only alone time. I was not going to spend it crying. I wanted peace and serenity.
“Write.” It said again.
More tears. I was breathing hard as crushing thoughts of self-pity raced through my mind. “Yeah, okay,” I complained out loud. “My world is tiny children, ABC books, diapers, laundry and chores. I have no influence.”
“Write.” It persistently said again.
Now I was just angry. “Write to who?!” I yelled with disdain.
“Write to Me.” It replied.
This conversation happened eight years ago. I can’t say I got off that mountain and immediately started writing. Rather, I got off the mountain and continued changing diapers, grocery shopping and potty training. But something happened to me when I paid attention to my inner room – to my deepest self. I let myself be heard. Or perhaps I created space for the divine purposes for my life to be heard.
I was at point A, and even if it was intimidating I now knew I had a point B. I had no idea how to get there. I didn’t know any writers. I had never written for an audience and I had no idea how to find that community, skills or opportunity. Over the years that experience would replay in my mind and it kept my heart and eyes open to going down new paths, nurturing new relationships, and taking risks.
Today I somehow have arrived at point B. It seems I intentionally got here -- and yet if feels nothing short of a miracle.
Shayne Moore is a wife, mom, active ONE member, co-founder of Redbud Writers’ Guild and the author of Global Soccer Mom.