By Kiara Jorgenson
In the past, I found approval in accolades given by graduate
studies professors, a passing comment from a colleague, or in the satisfaction
of serving regularly in my church. Two years ago I became a mother. Since that
time nearly every aspect of my life has changed. Not least among these changes
is the absence of adult affirmation and social approval.
While in some small ways my identity remains shaped by academic
colleagues, my community itself has changed and with it my daily
responsibilities and the interactions that come with fulfilling them. My daily
duties, no doubt like those of any other mother, include feeding, bathing and
dressing my child. They include picking up – blocks, boogers, breakfast scraps and
the occasional spread-eagle-temper-tantrum toddler. And bringing down – the inflammation
on my child’s bottom and my own temper.
The grounded and somewhat mundane nature of such tasks may
explain why earlier this year I cried, no — nearly wept — during a Superbowl commercial. Johnson &
Johnson, in attempts to revitalize their brand as THE children’s shampoo, took
twenty seconds to flash images of mothers caring for their children with audio
whispers of “Thank you Mom” throughout. Upon reflection it now seems to me that
my tears came for a couple of reasons. First, I was touched and surprised by
the association of gratitude with motherly care on prime-time television. Aren’t
Superbowl commercial slots usually reserved for beer, trucks and energy drinks?
Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, in watching the Johnson & Johnson ad
I felt affirmed, seen and appreciated. Those thoughts, while breast pumping in
solitude over my lunch hour at grad school, of “is it all worth it?” were
somehow captured here. The answer was and is yes. The challenge is remembering
this truth when no one, babbling baby included, says as much.
Martin Luther, reformer, pastor and teacher, once wrote,
“The services that a mother performs for her children are for the most part
small and coarse and hardly noble. However, Christian faith opens its eyes,
looks upon all these insignificant, distasteful and despised duties in the
Spirit, and is aware that they are all adorned with divine approval as with the
costliest gold and jewels.” (LW 45:39)
Most would generally agree with Luther’s sentiment. That is
to say that the majority of people find some value in the raising of children.
However, what is intriguing to me about the theologian’s comment lays not so
much in children as metaphorical jewels, but rather in the opening of the
Mother. This prospect of opening makes me ask important questions: How am I as a Christian mother to see
differently? What freedom might I find in releasing an identity too dependent
upon external approval? And what could I exchange it for? How do I avoid
collapsing my life into nothing but the pursuit of motherhood while also
steering clear of a never-ending search for “success” as defined by those who
follow a different path? Perhaps approval for those of us who are mothers
can be found, at least in part, through the asking, wrestling with and
answering of these difficult questions.
Kiara Jorgenson is a
Ph.D. candidate at Luther Seminary in St. Paul, MN. She is a peacemaker, wife
and mother, theologian, feminist, wanna-be artist, gardener, daughter and
friend who blogs at http://mammademia.blogspot.com/.
I agree totally with your experience. As a grandmother now, I can see that, the more you give to your children (and grandchildren), the more you are taken for granted. In my own life, I did not experience true gratitude for what my parents did for me, until I had children of my own and realized all my parents had sacrificed to raise 4 kids and send us all to college. We have to find our approval from within and from knowing we are doing the Lord's work; this is the most important work you will ever do! Chris Vogelsang
ReplyDeleteLove this. And as one who is a bit further down the road, I affirm your choices and sacrifices. They matters. All of them. Great Luther quote too.
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