Tuesday, September 17, 2013

“A Beautiful Mess: The Beauty of Broken”



This blog is presented by FullFill.org especially for moms. Read, comment and share on social media in the next two days and we will select one commenter/sharer to receive a free MOPS annual membership, including MomSense magazine. Wow! What a deal – just for reading and commenting!

by Elisa Morgan

I mounted the stairs, reached the landing, and - yuck! There at my feet sat a disgusting mound of grey-green crusted yuck. Cat vomit.

My hands flew to my hips and I raised my wide eyes to the ceiling bellowing, “IS THE MOTHER THE ONLY ONE IN THE HOUSE WHO KNOWS WHAT CAT VOMIT LOOKS LIKE?” I wailed on, “IS THE MOTHER THE ONLY ONE IN THE HOUSE WHO KNOWS WHERE THE PAPER TOWELS ARE?”

My school-age kids appeared at the bottom of the stairs - their eyes wide as well - and shrugged. That was it: their big contribution.

Those next moments were not my best. I huffed down the stairs past my paralyzed children. I tore off sheets of paper towels of the roll – some thirty at a time. I returned to address the mess. I was a mess. And then it happened: shame assailed me.

When I was five years old, my father pulled me to his lap and told me he’d decided that he didn’t love my mother any more and they were getting a divorce. My family fell and broken and like many children, I assumed it was somehow my fault. Then my mom broke under the weight of alcohol and I wondered what I could do to fix her.

So, when it came time for me to form my own family, I threw myself into creating one that a perfect family - one immune from the breakage of my first family.  I honestly believed that if I implemented “perfect family values,” then I would have a perfect family.

Problem is, like the day on the stairs with the cat vomit, I’m a mess. I’m broken. Everybody is. Even God’s family was broken – beginning with Adam and Eve and moving forward to you and me. So no matter what we do, we all end up in broken families. Broken in one way or another.

There’s no such thing as a perfect family. Instead of fighting this reality – and failing – God invites us to embrace it. And to see the beauty he brings in the broken.

I come from a broken family. And despite my very best attempts to produce a formulaically perfect Christian family in my second—the reality is that I still come from a broken family. Today we are messy – gooey in the middle – and I love my family more than I ever thought possible, brokenness and all. I love who they are and I love who they have made me to be.

I’ve come to discover that God offers hope in the form of “broken family values”—values like commitment, humility, courage, reality, relinquishment, diversity, partnership, faith, love, respect, forgiveness and thankfulness. He understands that no one is perfect. He knows the unique journeys of loved ones. He gets it that abnormal is actually pretty normal. That people mess up and yet are worthy of respect and love and are never—ever—without hope. God holds each family close, crying with his wounded children, tenderly assembling and reassembling fallen fragments, creating us into better versions of ourselves.

God doesn’t sweep the mess of our broken up and discard it. In order to reach the broken in our world, God himself broke, allowing his own Son to die a broken death on a cross for us. He brings beauty in the broken. God loves the broken. God uses the broken. Cat vomit moments and all.

I come from a broken family. I still come from a broken family. And I’m pretty sure I’m not alone. I’m pretty sure that my story is likely yours too.

16 comments:

  1. Well, in the midst of our mess and craziness here I'm now exceptionally grateful that we don't have a cat to add to the mix. LOL.

    That said, my messy moments are JUST as common and leave me feeling just as discouraged about my mothering abilities...This topic has been on my heart a lot this week for some reason-- I've been thinking a LOT about my own parents and how I'm hoping to parent differently than they did in a lot of ways. But so often, and despite my best intentions, I find myself failing...and feeling sad that I'm not creating the "perfect" home life that I want to for my children.

    That is when I must remind myself that God never requires or expects perfection in my parenting...as a matter of fact, He KNEW I would fail before my kids were born...before I was born!! And He has already provided a way to fill in the gaps..through HIS grace and love and forgiveness in my life and theirs...

    Thanks for the reminder that "broken" is part of the story here on earth, and that it's ok (:

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    1. God bends low to be with us in our brokenness. May you send his unending love for you! Elisa

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  2. Sitting at the kitchen table tasting tears i was not prepared to have today. Its never stopped catching me by suprise that God speaks to me about things that need to be addressed at times im not "planning" on having them addressed.
    I dont have to be perfect.
    I have come to the place in my walk with the Lord that I am able now to stop and welcome those gifts that are sometimes hard to recieve... like this blog.
    My perfect family compleetly exploded about three years ago. Two divorces, broken family ties, broken lives coliding in a torrent of jaw dropping circumstances... My husband and i had just moved out of the state my entire family lives in (and in perfect timing). After a few years of living on our own following God's call we got the call from my parents of the news that our family is no more (My sister, Mom, Dad, brother in-law all broken and no longer a family) Shortly after hearing of the news of my exploding family- we found out we were expecting our first baby. Talk about joy in the midst of mourning. Mourning the loss of what i thought was my perfect family. Rejoicing in this little light in my womb. Through the last three years God has sustained me and i have grown in ways i would not have imagined and through the brokenness of my family they are still individually finding Jesus.
    I say all at to say those whith scars have authority to speak into the lives of those with wounds and offer a hope that is authentic and invites the wounded one to taste hope and truth. I am thankful for your words and authentic wisdom. Love those around me, love my family and love myself dispite the broken and in the midst of the broken. For God's Strength is made perfect in our weakness (or human inability).
    Thank you for being vunerable and inviting us to share. It brought healing in an unexpected way. Thank you.

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    1. How beautiful! Healing comes through embracing who we really are before God - broken pieces and all. Love to you today! Elisa

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    2. My diary - thanks for your honesty about your journey. We'd like to give you the free MOPS membership which includes MomSense magazine. Your comment is private so we can't access your email, so please email me at carlacfoote@gmail.com so that we can connect. Thanks.

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  3. What a perfect post on the eve of our first MOPS meeting of the year. Thank you for the reminder that we are all beautiful in the eyes of God our creator, despite our brokenness. And that we have been redeemed of our imperfections by His grace alone. Thank you!

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    1. May God reveal his tender and powerful love for every mom who attends tomorrow! He loves moms so! Elisa

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  4. Thank you for continuing in transparency and encouragement!

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    1. It's too hard to be anything else! Thanks Tonya! Elisa

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  5. Thank you! This is healing! My family is grown, but there are feelings of regret. I did not do a perfect job! But God is good. What a blessing to have held my babies, knowing God gifted me with the blessing of mothering. Through the years, they are God's responsibility. Mine is to trust him, pray, and love my family.

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    1. We are not responsible for our children's choices...we are responsible for our responses to their choices. He loves you so! Elisa

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  6. Thank you, Elisa!
    I'm a grandmother with a daughter, her husband and their two boys both under three, living with grandpa and me. So I'm reliving some of those moments you spoke of. Not everything goes according to the best laid plans.
    Our dog has been wearing the 'cone of shame' for a month now with three weeks to go!! Doors and door jams, plants, the back of tall legs and the shoulders of little arms all have stories to tell.

    When I was a young mom I LIVED for MOPS. It was then that I was just discovering that I was a very broken child and wondered if I'd ever be a good mommy or if I would live in shame the rest of my life. One of my most very bestest friends I have is from 30 years ago when I attended MOPS with two young children. MOPS helped keep me sane when I thought I wasn't! So when our girls, one is a daughter in-law, started having children I volunteered to pay their memberships to MOPS. One of them took me up on it, the other, feeling like she's taking a lot already, declined.
    MOPS helped me be a better mommy, wife, daughter and friend. Now that I'm a grandma, I get to see three generations of the benefits of MOPS.

    God's faithfulness to heal the broken hearted is seen each day here in our home. The cone of shame need not be worn or even passed down to others.

    Thank you for your ministry and that you live it each day.




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    1. Once your dog is done, burn that cone of shame! :) Blessings on you for sharing the hope and healing of Jesus with your family and others. He loves you so! Elisa

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  7. I don't have trouble expecting something short of perfection while I'm short of heaven but I was a little surprised when my husband of 17 years -- a member of our church staff -- started cross-dressing. I can't say I'm sure where to go with this imperfect union. Our wedding bands are engraved "Isa. 30:21", a reminder that whether we turn "to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.' ” I can claim it, but I can't hear it and I'm not sure what way is correct. How could I have put myself in such a place?

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    1. My heart is heavy for you. While you are anonymous to me and others here, you are well known, and well loved by God. He is there, with you. He will never leave you or forsake you - no matter where anyone you love walks. Holding you up to God, Elisa

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  8. Thank you for writing this. My family of origin was broken in very obvious ways and sadly church was the place we felt the most shame and judgment. The message seemed to be that the brokenness meant that we could never have the blessing and acceptance that the so called "perfect Christian families" could have. As I grew into my teens, I saw the hypocrisy of that belief and that many of the intact nuclear families had just as many issues as my broken family. For years, I struggled with what I read in Scripture which was love, acceptance, restoration and never second best for any of God's children and the way the church treated my broken family. I have received so much healing in this area and now seek to reach out to the many others I know that feel marginalized because of their brokenness. I truly hope and pray that more believers can feel free to admit their brokenness and become the safe haven for others that we are called to be.

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